"Why Can't an E-book Be More Like the Print" Lyrics
Posted by: Admin
If you were in Anaheim for conference and made it to the Booklist Reference program, "Why Can't an E-book Be More Like the Print", you were lucky enough to be treated to the musical stylings of Dave Tyckoson and crew. He's given us the lyrics to the three musical interludes ("Why Can't an E-book be More Like the Print," "E-book Readin' Man," and "Baby Got Nook". We'll be posting those lyrics this week here on Points of Reference. Enjoy!
"Why Can't an E-book Be More Like the Print?"
Adapted by David Tyckoson from music by Frederick Loewe; lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
Why can't an e-book be more like the print?
Print books are so tactile, so thoroughly square;
Eternally ready, when the pages are there.
Who, when you read them, will always lie flat.
Why can't an e-book be like that?
Why does every publisher do what the others do?
Can't vendors learn to use their heads?
Why do they do everything their predecessors do?
Why don't they sell them, well, like booksellers instead?
Why can't an e-book take after a book?
Books are so pleasant, so easy to please.
Whenever you're with them, you're always at ease.
Would an e-book still work if I tried to read it for hours?
COLONEL PUBLISHER:
Of course not.
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
Would it function if I spilled a drink or two?
COLONEL PUBLISHER:
Nonsense.
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
Would the smell of an e-book ever be compared to flowers?
COLONEL PUBLISHER:
Never.
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
Well, why can't an e-book do that for you?
One print book in a million may shout a bit.
Now and then, there's one with slight defects.
One perhaps whose truthfulness you doubt a bit,
But by and large they are almost perfect!
Why can't an e-book take after a book?
'Cause books are so friendly, good-natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.
If I brought another book to dinner would you bellow?
COLONEL PUBLISHER:
Of course not.
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
If I forgot to plug you in, would you fuss?
COLONEL PUBLISHER:
Nonsense.
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
Would you complain if I checked out another volume?
COLONEL PUBLISHER:
Never.
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
Why can't an e-book be like us?
PROFESSOR TYCKOSON:
Why can't an e-book be more like the print?
Books are so decent, with pretty endflaps;
Ready to guide you through any mishaps;
Ready to pick you up whenever you're glum.
Why can't an e-book be a chum?
Why is blinking something e-books always do?
And why is printing rarely ever allowed?
Using up my battery is all they ever do.
And why don't they organize the contents that's inside?
Why can't an e-book behave like the print?
If I was an e-book who'd been uploaded and ready to call,
Been hailed as a savior by one and by all;
Would I scroll on like a webpage overflowing,
Or try to imitate paper printed from a tree?
Would I run on and never tell me where I'm searching?
Why can't an e-book be like me?
